Updated Perks of an AMC Stubs Membership

The AMC Stubs Perk-Bus just keeps chugging along, picking up new members and taking them to new pastures of perks. Jesus, this setup paragraph is so stupid.

Here are the newest rewards that AMC Stubs members can enjoy:

• Free pube trim, primp and shampoo

• If you give us your cell number, we'll text you notices of whenever Sydney Sweeney releases another movie where she's topless

• We'll give you three softballs to throw for when Maria Menounos's Noovie bullshit comes on

• Exclusive first access to impractical, overpriced promotional popcorn buckets 

• Donkey ass (not a perk; just something I wanted to type)