Early Sunday afternoon, this EADJ reporter developed some photos at the self service kiosk at CVS. Along with the regular photos of sheep intestines and retirement home snuff pics, this photo of a beaming, clean-scrubbed couple came out of the print slot. WHO THE FUCK ARE THESE PEOPLE?! The digital camera was double checked after theorizing that someone might have borrowed the camera at a bar outing. Nope. The mystery photo even showed up on the Kodak proof sheet at the end of the roll. So somehow this digital orphan was hiding in the kiosk's memory and decided to stow away on my dime.
The plot thickened after the photos were burned to a blank CD, and the photo showed up in the directory with its own title: "WebsitePic.jpg." What website was destined to host this happy duo besides Eat a Dick Joel: The Blog? How can we divine where this website is based on the geography of the CVS and the demographics of the photo's subjects?
First, what we can gather from the photo itself? Well, both people in the photo are pretty good looking. The chick is unquestionably bangable. Her brunette/auburn hair and bluish eyes betray a possibly Irish or Italian background. Her simple-floral-print-shirt-over-tank-top is frustratingly generic, although her Rachel-like hairdo suggests she probably comes from money. The dude is, I can admit it, pretty handsome. He looks in his late 20's to early 30's, although it seems he might be graying on the sides (unless that's just the flash). With an athletic build (with a tragically BLANK generic sweatshirt) and sitting upright with vigor, he seems like a pretty good match for our clingy redhead– a strong shoulder for her to cry on during emotional scenes of "Grey's Anatomy." Unless they're brother and sister, then, eww.
And where are these two? A blank red wall gives us nothing to go by, unless the new Lava looks just like that. The wooden furniture suggests a pub rather than a cheesedick club with striped shirts and the like. The stout-like consistency of the drink in the corner leads us to believe it's a bar that serves micro-brews. The odd shape of the glass confirms this. If anyone has any information that can lead to the identification of this lovely couple, Eat a Dick Joel has offered to buy you a Caffeine Free Diet Coke.
Oh, and Joel eats dick.
