Well, That's Rude, Sirius XM

New Documentary Releases Coming To The Documentary Channel

The Documentary Channel has EXPLODED in popularity since the pandemic hit and no one has anything else to do! Here are the latest docu-offerings:

"YOUR Browsing History: We Take a Live Look"

"The Battle of Abingdon, Virginia: The Civil War Skirmish That Lasted Only 15 Minutes, Where No One Died, and the Result Was Of No Consequence To The Overall War"

"Two Important Documentary Directors In Cars Getting Coffee"

"Mouth Breathers: An Audio Odyssey"

"Colons: Their History and Use"

"The History of Aviation By Someone Who Just Googled It"

"Canker Sores and Their Effect On Working at Subway"

"Why PR Firms Are So Damn Excited About Press Releases"

"Is This a Mole or a Tick? The Arkansas Conundrum"

"Real Housewives of the International Space Station"

If You're Happy and You're Joel, Eat a Dick

Joel wrote an angry letter to the Brother Corporation this morning to protest the release of one of their new products.

The Brother MFC-9960DE is a multi-functional office appliance that prints, faxes, scans, copies, and also eats dick. Joel is upset that this new machine will phase him out as the household go-to for dick eating.

"The thing about these kind of machines is that they are jacks of all trades, but masters of none," Joel wrote, "Sure they can fax and scan pretty well, but their print quality and the depth of dick eating is cursory at best. This model barely even reached the base of my penis, let alone either of my balls."

A representative from Brother responded to Joel's letter a few hours later on Comcast Newsmakers.

"While it is true that the Brother MFC-9960DE is not the finest printer or copier around, it does a very good job at providing all of these services to people who cannot afford the expensive machines. And when it comes to home-office-level dick eating, this machine is more consistent and easier to operate than Joel."

Joel still maintains that he takes the extra effort of gobbling up balls. In the meantime, Lexmark has announced plans to build a collater that is Ethernet-ready and gives rim jobs.