Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A Foodstuff Experiment

Not to be outdone by 5 Hour Energy Drink, some random no-name company decided to come out with 6-Hour Energy Cookie. This makes sense because huh?

So what do I do? Naturally, I buy one like an idjit.


So I ate the cookie at 9:45 and will check in later at quarter to three to let you know if this morning cookie got me pumped all day like a red bu... sorry. Like a red rhino. *rolls eyes*


Shit's nasty, btw.


**UPDATE:**  My math sucks. I meant quarter to four, not three. And although I haven't felt "charged" in the last 6 hours, I haven't fallen asleep on my ass, either.

Overall grade: F

Monday, July 30, 2012

Friday, July 27, 2012

A Text From Andrew



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Thursday, July 26, 2012

Resting On His (Spicy) Laurels

Spotted in Manhattan, a gyro cart that features a laminated, horribly Photoshopped photo of the proprietor next to Bobby Flay.


"Excellent LAMB!! Rahman"



Meanwhile, I can't order one of these excellent lamb gyros because Rahman's asleep. HELLO?!


Wednesday, July 25, 2012

The ProofrEADJer: July Edition













The most flagrant and frequent violator of typos, however, was an iPhone game called "The End," which reads like it was proofread by a distracted six year old.






And then there was *ahem* this one on Nicole Aniston's website. *Ahem.*


Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Lobsterfest® Happens In The Most Unlikely Places


This entry has been written after 6, SIX glasses of red wine.


Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster is what you want, when you want it, with what you want: primarily lobster meat and sometimes imitation crab meat mixed in because fuck it– how are you going to find out? Here now are some new service styles that we're preparing for you this week:

• John Abbett Thompson graduates from technical college with a degree in electrical engineering, which now helps him land a very good job with a contracting firm in southwest Arkansas and finally allow him to provide his wife and kids with the stability and income that they long for. Now that's a wacky-ass way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We roll lobster meat into "lobster turds." We load the turds onto a cribbage board and walk around the restaurant, asking anyone if they're interested in "playing cribbage." Only nerds and very old men will want to play, so they get awarded with a mouthful of turds. Jumping fuck, if that isn't one hell of a way to enjoy lobster at Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster!

• We rent a baby hippo and feed it a ton of lobster meat (literally). We then let it roam the restaurant, making its loud hippo noise and knocking shit over like the adorable pup it is. When it comes to your table to beg for lobster meat, you better feed that bad boy, because if you refuse, we'll unleash its mother, and hippos have been known to bite a man to death to protect their young. Seriously. Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster? Yes sir!

• Four crates are loaded with lobster and are placed on a large lazy Susan. Each crate is numbered 6 to 9. A man dressed as American writer Mark Twain walks in and tells some witty, heartwarming stories about growing up in the South and the racial divide. When he is finished, everyone applauds and some servers take away the four crates without explanation. Red Lobster would like you to know that that is Lobsterfest® happening right there.

• Peter Berg, the director of the summer movie "Battleship," is asked to come "direct" a night of Lobsterfest® at the restaurant of his choosing. Peter Berg, somewhat confused but always game, picks our location in Pasadena and transforms the grounds into a gigantic (and woefully inaccurate) Spanish galleon– that has nothing to do with lobster and nothing to do with our brand. When someone questions him about his choices on this matter, he points at the $65 million domestic box office results for "Battleship." We shut up and give him free rein. Hey, it's Peter Berg.

• We invite children to make snowmen out of our frozen lobster meat. Their parents are furious when the children stink up the interior of their vehicles with the disgusting permanent stench of substandard lobster. Meanwhile, look at these cool snowmen! Happy holidays from Lobsterfest® at Red Lobster! This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Found On the Complimentary iPad In Four Seasons, Los Angeles



Monday, July 23, 2012

Don't Think For A Second We've Forgotten About Stunt Cat

As Universal Pictures, Warner Brothers, Miramax, Lions Gate, Path├ę!, Sony Pictures, Paramount, DreamWorks, Columbia, and Touchstone Pictures continue to develop their own version of "Stunt Cat," the hot property EADJ discovered on the wall of a movie theatre in Manhattan, EADJ turned to Google to see what other Stunt Cat developings are in the works:

Stunt Cat! The iPhone app


Stunt Cat here is a skydiving feline whose only weakness is buggy OpenFeint Achievements and a bloated binary size and no technical support. Chris Martone has taken the concept of a stunt cat and turned him into a suicidal opposite of Doodle Jump.

This app is currently available on the iTunes Store to download and crash your iPhone with.

-------


Stuntcat on myspace Music



Stuntcat appears to be a band composed of two people, although they feature the one girl. Maybe the guy is fat or hideous or he looks exactly like Adam Levine and they don't want to get confused with Maroon 5 when they end up on the cover of SPIN. Either way, their music has a pleasant enough indie sound, but not necessarily something I'd crank in my car. Maybe if my car were broken down outside of a hookah lounge, and everyone there wanted to listen to something, anything.

Urinal Pubes Was Feeling Glum

Urinal Pubes was feeling glum.

Decorative Porcelain Sphere was confused why.
 

Cigarette Ashtray was unimpressed.
 

Drive-Thru Overhang was happily oblivious.
 

Skyscraper Windows didn't believe a word of it.
 

 File Boxes were unmoved.


But Toothbrush Holders were shocked.
 

And so was Emergency Light/Oval Sconce(?) Combo.


Gas Station Salad couldn't believe it.
 

Safety Belt Holder remained mum.
 

Two Tiki Candles and Picnic Blanket also held its tongue.
 

Stepladder Paint Holder just laughed it all off.

 
Two Half Apple Boxes stated their disapproval.

 And Toilet Bowl grumbled his displeasure.


Lady's Creepy Backpack laughed.
 

 Phone Plug thought it was hilarious.



Featured iTunes Icon was confused.
 

Door Open Icon felt depressed...
 

... while Door Closed Icon got angry.


VCR Buttons cracked a few inappropriate jokes.
 

And Scooter Butt remained stoic.