Friday, September 30, 2011

Let's Dispense With The Pleasantries When Talking To The EADJ Mail Sack!

Forwarded by John Reid, an email:


From: chike chukwuonye
Subject: Fw: Invest & mangerment for an Artist and songwriter
Date: Friday, September 30, 2011, 7:16 AM

Hello i'm a singer with recorded songs in demo and lots of sound tracks searching for music mangerment. your intresting will permit me to reach you with my promo copy audio CD

Name. Chukwuonye pat chike.
Stage name. Dibaocha.
Nationality. Nigeria. west Africa
Based in china..
Artist and songwriter CHUKWUONYE PAT.CHIKE ( a.k.a DIBAOCHA) IS among African'smost talented artsit,comedian,songwriter Hip hop,R&B,Rap's and a great singer,speaks English,AND Chinese.Already Record 6 songs demo and creat 12 sound tracks. looking forward for a better mangement.copyright and outright commission. to lead his dream true in the musical world.

I'm sincerely yours
+8615975505068...china mobile

I'm surprised he hasn't found proper "mangerment" yet. But how do I know this is an email from the real Ochosky Dibaocha and not some impostor looking to profit off his good name?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

'Fro Goodness Sakes

There's something I've notice every time I see an African American woman portrayed in an ad:

What is up with the big 'fro on every black woman? I'm not saying that it's a bad look by any means, but is that the only way to portray a group of people? That's like showing Asians only wearing bowl haircuts or Indians only wearing turbans with dots on their foreheads– if that's the only way to show a minority, then it's offensive, however cumulatively.

As the executive editor at Sophisticate's Black Hair, I am deeply troubled by this lack of African American hairstyle diversity. Advertisers need only look to our "Clip & Snip" section to find a plethora of alternates to the big afro: the dip, the close crop, the shivery bang, the Mannassas Hangdown, the wheelbarrow, and the asymetrical swoop, to name a few. All of these are perfectly acceptable alternate hairstyles to the overused afro.

Advertisers, please take this into consideration when you cast for the next JC Penney, Orbit Gum or McDonald's commercial and try to forget that awesome drummer in that one Lenny Kravitz music video. Thanks.

Now, watch. Every time you see a black woman in an ad from now on, YOU are going to notice that most of the time, they'll be sporting a gigantic afro. Mark my words, reader!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

A Nearby Deli With Meat

Look at this place. All dudes. Dudes serving dudes.

This place is a total...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Let's Snort Cocaine Off the EADJ Mail Sack!

Submitted by my brother Jay, a Facebook post that also doubles as a Rorschach test:

"OMG....I soooo thought that the picture was something else at first glance. Geez, the innocence is all gone."

Monday, September 26, 2011

Granny Say What?

"Give it all you've got?" Does a Granny really say that? Is that even #17 on the list of things she'd ever say? "Give it all you've got?" Is Granny the head coach of the Houston Oilers now? "Give it all you've got?" Why not "Get some?" "Go big or go home?" "Pain is temporary; victory is forever?"

"Give it all you've got?" Jesus, Granny, you need to lay off the 'roids and pick up knitting again. You're scaring me.

Friday, September 23, 2011

Hollywood Is Getting Desperate.

Anyone who's seen the trailer for the upcoming "Battleship" movie can tell that Hollywood is seriously running out of ideas when they're greenlighting entire films based on board games. After mining every old TV series, comic book, toy, cereal, video game, and theme park ride for movie ideas, it comes as no surprise that movie studios have now turned to the next hot property for movie rights: the coffee flavors in my office's break room.

Here's a sampling of what's coming to theatres:

"Jet Fuel"
Climb aboard this comedic 3D romp as three dumb astronauts (Jim Carrey, Kevin James and Rob Schneider) blast off to become Saturn's first inhabitants. Also starring Michael Clarke Duncan as NASA's embarrassed administrator and Antonio Banderas and Michelle Rodriguez as the "Coffee People." Rated PG-13 for lewd humor, sexual situations and poop and fart jokes.

"Dark Magic"
Scott Caan, Christian Slater, Kevin Dillon, Taylor Lautner and Colin Farrell play a tough young street gang who meet a wise old magician (Anthony Hopkins) and learn the ways of black magic to beat all of their rival gangs. It's "The Lost Boys" meets "The Outsiders" meets "West Side Story" in this deep, dark, spellbinding adventure. Also starring Minka Kelly because she's pretty. Rated PG-13 for violence that's not gory but something you wouldn't want your kids to try on each other.

"Kenyan AA"
Djimon Hounsou portrays a troubled cab driver in Nairobi who tries to overcome his alcoholism, thanks to the big heart of a visiting businessman (Stellan Skarsgård) in this inspirational story of triumph and the human spirit "with a sparkling finish." Special appearance by President Barack Obama. Rated PG for language and some drug and cigarette use.

"Sumatran Reserve"
Martha (Patricia Clarkson), a biochemist, travels to the deep jungles of Southeast Asia to find a cure for lupus. Her scrappy, uncultured tour guide Jambi (Danny Pudi) proves to both try her patience and stimulate her loins... Rated R for ribald comedy and sexual situations involving a yak.

"Kenya Kilimandjaro," a.k.a. "Can Ya Kill A Man, Jaro?"
Jaro Muthermunn (Jason Statham), one of the world's deadliest big game hunters, returns from self-imposed exile after his mentor, Corsé (Sylvester Stallone) is captured at the base of Mount Kilimandjaro. Jaro reassembles his former team of skilled huntsmen to launch a rescue mission, and also to destroy the nearby drug farm, run by the evil Dark Roast (Terry Crews). Rated R for graphic violence and Jason Statham.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

New EADJ Segment

From the makers of Waiting Around Balloons,




Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Monday, September 19, 2011

I Guess It's Time To Play "Which, Can Erickson" Again.

Match the following 16 toilets (each with a designated chemical from the Periodic Table of Elements) with one of the 16 locations below. Answers will be revealed tomorrow.

(Click to enlarge)

• The Salem Witch Museum, Salem, Massachusetts
• William Morris Agency, NYC
• Muir Woods Mill Valley, CA
• Paula's Fish Place, Leamington, Ontario, Canada
• Unnamed Organization, Chicago
• Shadow Springs Vineyard, Hamptonville, NC
• Manny Brown's, South Street, Philadelphia
• The Winchester Mystery House, San Jose, CA
• Crowne Plaza, Alexandria, VA
• Soho Bar, Ferndale, Michigan
• Lucasfilm, San Francisco, CA
• Assateague State Park, Ocean City, MD
• Racquet Club Ladue, St. Louis
• Andrew Gall's Apartment, Chicago
• Las Vegas Airport
• Alcatraz Island, San Francisco CA

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Dove Body Language Messenger

Last night I downloaded the Dove Body Language Messenger, a free app on the iPhone App Store. What I thought would be some advanced technology that can read your friends' body language to read their emotions turned out to be a gimmicky "women making letters of the alphabet" branded sharable digital doodad.

Here's how it works: you type a message, and the ladies do fancy yoga poses that eventually spell out what you typed. Wow! Cool neato, right? I can't believe this app is free!!!!!!

The catch is, you can't type "FUCK" or "SHIT" or "COCK" or anything fun, because otherwise you get gently scolded by the app:

Alright, then. Challenge accepted. Type something offensive or funny to my friends without using the standard four-letter expletives. I spent the next hour last night typing up messages and emailing them to Andrew, Vince, and Brad Harvey. Here is a sampling:

You can download this unintentionally hilarious app here.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

All Geek To Me

Spotted at the local comic store, some neato Star Wars Jedi Force figures.

On the back, however, I noticed a legal line:

"Products shown in fantasy situation." Well, obviously it is, because Vader was never at Docking Bay 94 in Mos Eisley when the Stormtroopers were trying to apprehend Han, Luke, Ben, the droids and Chewy when they had left the cantina. Also, by that time, Luke had already sold his X-34 landspeeder to the Vuvrian alien Wioslea to help pay Han and Chewy to take them to Alderaan. I mean, right, guys? Ahem.